I was talking with Tina last night, and she mentioned something about how I don't look like the aggressive type, so I really startle people when I do act aggressively. I guess it's just my particular combination of learned behaviours and instincts. For instance, I learned right off to keep a quiet, low profile in my school, because being loud and too obvious about showing intelligence meant people hated you and gossiped behind your back (unfortunately, it didn't always work as well as I'd hoped). Both band and academics taught me that keeping quiet and working hard in the background are the ways to excel... but being section leader in band also showed me that you can't lead while being quiet - when you're stuck with a position of authority, you've got to be able to take control of the situation and run with it. You can't lead well if you can't relate to the people in your section, if you're too strict or too lax, if you're too passive - you've got to be flexible to work with different people, encouraging to some, strict with others, and kind to all, so they're willing to work under you and progress toward your goals.

And of course, under all this were the impressions from my parents. Dad's more the 'got to get 'em by the balls so they do what you want!' kind of person (of course, for a trial lawyer, this 'go get 'em!' attitude is priceless), while Mom's the more 'work WITH them, and convince them they want to work with you - don't dominate them' personality (more of a good teacher's philosophy).

In the end, I ended up more as Mom - I'm a lot like her, and more concerned with common sense, compromise and persuasion. But every once in a while the 'Dad' comes out - the slightly rebellious, risk-taking, aggressive, devil-may-care persona. And I find it a little strange, because I can't really reconcile the two. They're definitely both parts of my personality, and I can bridge the gap and switch styles effortlessly. It's just odd, because it really throws off people who've only seen the 'sweet, quiet side of Kirsten' (as Tina said) - they're a little shocked by the moment of aggressiveness or ruthlessness, because they just don't expect it. Not that I'll always follow up on something from this side... on the contrary, most of the time I think along those lines, I overrule it with common sense or compassion from the 'mom' side. But it still manifests from time to time, and scares the living daylights out of some.

I just wonder sometimes if other people experience this kind of separation - it's not schizophrenia by any standards (no voices in my head, I promise), just two radically different ways of thinking. -shrugs- Ah well. Anyway, guess I should go eat now..