Hello, burnout.

I remember talking to Dana and Lisa about this; when you get to the point that you simply don't enjoy playing your instrument anymore, when it becomes a chore. I never thought this would happen to me with flute. My music saw me through the worst times of my life, and I still think that when I was the unhappiest in my life, I was at my musical peak - it allowed me to make something good and wonderful from the mire of miserable emotions and pain, and was all the more powerful because I felt it so deeply. Then, I lived through my music, where everything was ok and the world didn't hurt so much.

I can't do it anymore. At least, not in orchestra. I don't know how it happened, but all of a sudden I can't find the beauty in the music anymore. I can't find the images that I used to create the emotions of my playing. They simply don't come.

I'm not sure why this happened... I wonder if it has to do with being so happy with Sam, or discovering new pursuits like painting and singing, and realizing: there's so much to do that I have not yet experienced, and only a finite time to accomplish it.

But whatever caused it, this is the way it is. I think it's time to branch out into new things and leave the old ones be for a time. Maybe I just need a new perspective. Perhaps it'll take 10 years or more, and maybe another instrument to boot, like it did for Dana and Lisa. I'll continue to play flute in chamber music, which still brings me joy; I just can't deal with orchestra anymore.

I'm sorry, Allen, but you deserve a principal flutist who really wants to do well. You gave me a wonderful opportunity at the beginning of my frosh year; now Harlan deserves that chance. With a little more experience and polish, he'll make a very fine principal flutist.

It's been a great 3 years and 2 terms, but everything must end someday.