Feeling slightly overwhelmed. More apathetic than anything.

And trying to think of other jobs I can take in case I:
a) don't get into a grad school, or
b) decide that I'm not up to it and back off for at least a year, if not longer.

It's funny, because I used to be so excited about history grad school and pursuing the PhD, the tenure track position, etc. Now when I think about it, I feel more like I'd rather not go... it scares me. I don't think I can consistently produce the quality of work it'll require. I don't even know if I'll enjoy history enough to get through the MA, let alone the Ph.D.
As Geary said, it's 5-7 years of specialized training that won't transfer very easily into another field. That's a lot of time and resources to spend on something... if I follow that path I'll be 26-28 (?!?!!) by the time I'm done. Yikes.

-sigh- Wish I knew what was going to happen in life.

In the meantime, if you have any ideas about jobs that a history major with experience in Latin and German, not to mention biology, archaeology, and good amateur flute performance could do... please do tell. I'm at a loss.

Maybe I should become an interpreter... it'd take a heckuva lot of hard work, but I don't think it'd get boring.

-----
the conflict of realism and idealism:

I seem to have this foolish tendency
to hope for the best, envision it and believe in it.
Someday, somehow, it'll get knocked out of me
and good riddance - for then I will begin to live
content with the here and now
not yearning for unattainable dreams.