"I stand upon some dreadful brink, and it is utterly dark in the abyss before my feet, but whether there is any light behind me I cannot tell. For I cannot turn yet. I wait for some stroke of doom."

I think that about sums it up for the grad school debate. I can see myself being desperately unhappy at ND, or severely cash-strapped and working like a dog to cover living expenses at UCLA. I'm very close to calling it quits on grad school this year and taking a year or two to work a 'real' job, get some perspective, get CA residency, and make damn sure that history is what I really want to do in life. I'm bloody terrified of making the 'wrong' decision and ending up in debt (to my parents or whomever I get money from) and jobless after 5-6 years of specialized history training.

How silly - I've finally figured out that I crave security and stability... right before my world gets completely turned on its head. -sigh-