Sometimes, I believe that I will never understand myself.

Other times, I believe that I will never understand other people.

I don't know which is the greater shortcoming. I often feel I'm a different person everyday, just based on the way I react to things - it's kind of odd. Part of that probably comes from experimenting with who I'm most comfortable being; after 20 years of life, I still don't know exactly who I am, and sometimes it bothers me no end. But I'll say it again - it's awfully nice to not worry about what someone else thinks right now, and I'm quite tempted to keep things that way for a while longer. This may sound jaded, but in my opinion, love isn't always all it's cracked up to be... sure, one experience isn't a proper representation, but there's something way too feverish and intense about it. It's like seeing through a thick fog - you can't get a clear image; everything is hazy and skewed, and in looking back, you realize that you weren't thinking as clearly as usual. Not that this is a terribly bad thing, or that love isn't worth the time (there's something fantastic about realizing how much someone means to you and vice versa), but it's not an experience I'd care to repeat right away. Give me a clear mind to find myself and happiness in platonic friendships over love's feverish, clouded view for now... and give me my space. Enough time and the right guy, and I imagine I'll fall into love again, and won't mind giving up my freedom again. But for now, freedom and solitude are sweet indeed.