Hm. I feel like a UCC again, in all but name... or maybe just like a concerned good friend (were they ever separate when I was a UCC for a while last year? Not really). In any case, it greatly saddens me to see a friend really upset. There's just that feeling of helplessness, that 'I can't do anything but offer words and hugs to help fix this, and I don't know if they'll be enough' feeling. As much as I want to help, I just don't know if anything I can do will make things better. And I tend to feel their emotions pretty strongly, especially afterwards, when I'm no longer focusing on helping the person and forget to suppress my sympathetic reactions to their emotions... thank goodness I have Sam to give me hugs, or I'd be pretty down right now. (Sam, you're the greatest. Honest.) Sometimes I think empathy (what Mom always called this acute sensitivity to other's emotions) is a curse rather than a blessing. There are definitely some days when I don't want to be able to tune in to what others are feeling through behavior cues and background, because dealing with my own emotions is difficult enough without automatically considering the emotions of everyone else who's interacting with me.

But despite the emotional feedback, I absolutely think it's worth my time and effort (my friends certainly are, any day of the week). It may sound odd to some, but I feel like my life has been justified in some way if I can help someone through a difficult situation - like I'm not just idly taking up space and drifting through life, but am actively involved in making someone's life better, decreasing conflict, and increasing happiness. It doesn't have to be particularly emotional in nature (like the recent Interhouse meeting), but I feel like I've done some good in this world if I've been able to come up with a practical solution to a problem, or ease someone's mind and share their burden. Which is funny, because I often have difficulties myself opening up to people and venting emotions. It's not healthy to bottle up emotions and bury them, and I know it, but at times it's still hard for me to express them... perhaps because in doing so, I become vulnerable, and that scares me. But I'm improving all the time. Perhaps one day this will no longer be a problem - I guess I'll have to wait and see.

-yawn- Aight, enough writing. Time for sleep, so I can work on Sunday.