Musings. Don't expect much coherence:

I'd forgotten how much hope and love could be in someone's eyes. On one level, I'm amazed (and happy) that someone could love me so much - sometimes I feel I have so many faults that no one in their right mind would love me. On another, deeper level, it scares me a little, because I can only hope that I won't break that trust and hurt him, however unintentionally. I am only human. I don't want to cause anyone pain. But some days, it seems like no matter what I do, any and every action I take will harm someone indirectly. I can't foresee all ends, all interactions. I'm not omniscient.

Knowing this and my limitations, what can I do?

And why aren't I wiser by now? After all the mistakes I've made, I feel so old... I thought I'd learned at least a little wisdom through my faults and shortcomings. Yet I still fail to see things that should have been clear at the time until I spend time musing in retrospect. And sometimes, I can't or don't know how to help someone - I feel like I'm letting them down by not being able to make things all right.

I feel like a petulant little kid for asking "Why?" to all these things, but I can't think of anything better to say. I want to help people I care about, but I don't feel like I can do enough to make a measurable difference, and I fear everything else will backfire.

-sigh- I give up. Enough of this analysis, I'm sleeping before my concert. Come hear it - Tuesday at noon in Dabney Lounge. Pieces by Quantz, Mozart, and Flor Peeters, for flute, bassoon and clarinet (harpsichord on the first).