6/25/03
Summary of life at home over the past couple days: Mom’s stressed, Dad’s stressed. Mom gets really unhappy because Dad comes home and begins chewing her out for not having dinner on the table, or booking a place to sleep in Dublin for the trip, or something else after she's been working as a volunteer for the band fireworks warehouse most of the day.

A word about the fireworks: Mom’s band booster vice president this year, will be president next year, and she’s putting in 6 hours a day at least as office manager on this stupid firework warehouse fundraiser venture. I know it’s not fun, because I’ve been with her, helping her the past few days - the supervisor is awful. She can’t explain things at all in training, has changed the contract and her advice to the managers several times, and treats her subordinates like idiots. If I were working for the woman, I would’ve quit after day 3 - she’s that frustrating.
---Funny anecdote: This woman couldn’t find a group to run one of her warehouses, so she hired employees to work there. On the morning of the third day, she came to work to find that every single one of them had returned their cash register keys to her and quit. Just goes to show who we’re dealing with here.---
The thing is, the band boosters contracted with her to run the warehouse before this fourth of july and later this year, before new year’s - so we’re not employees per se, but volunteer labor. We don’t get paid, but this is to raise funds for the band (which desperately needs it, for the band trip later this year and other miscellaneous stuff, since its funding was cut this year after a budget shortfall. Curse you, former Superintendent Culver, for running MY high school and LISD into the red with your flagrant spending and idiocy, and may you never, ever show your face in Longview again.) So if the volunteers walk out, the band loses. Anyway, Mom deals with this, supervising the band kids on the floor for 6 hours (and that’s just one shift!!) per day, then pays bills, runs errands, tries to plan the trip, etc. It’s awful. Much as I hated selling door to door, I’d prefer that to selling fireworks under this woman.

Anyway. Dad does this because he’s stressed and needs an outlet for his irritations from work, and little things will set him off - he doesn't know how to relax. Stress makes it harder for Mom to lose weight, another key point of contention with Dad. Dad nags about weight et al, Mom gets more stressed, and the vicious cycle continues.

Where do I fit in? I feel there’s very little I can do. I forget this when I’m at tech - I hear about it in snips over the phone, but I’m isolated from the daily conflict while I’m at school. I remember worrying about this a few times, thinking that if I were home, I could help… but right now, it seems like I can’t do anything to alleviate the tension. I talk things over with Mom and tell her that I support her and love her, and that she’s doing a good job. I try to talk with Dad, but as soon as I bring up the trip or Mom, Dad jumps all over me or starts complaining about Mom. I think it’s a problem with priorities - Mom’s putting her obligations to Kat and the band first (“I’m vice-president - I have to help with this, even though I didn’t agree with the idea when it was proposed. We signed on to do this as a group, and I’m a leader of this group - if I don’t do this, no one will.”), while Dad’s utterly focused on work, and refuses to help with the band at all this year (“don’t sign me up for any of that”), and put Mom completely in charge of planning the trip.

--Update: As with most things, this got better after everyone slept on it. Dad feels bad and apologized, Mom's feeling better, and I don't feel dragged into the middle anymore. Hooray!---

The more I watch the interplay between Mom and Dad, and the more I think back on my dad’s mom, the more I realize that what I’ve been exposed to - positive and negative - has really shaped what I look for in a relationship. I'm usually easygoing and relaxed, but I have a very low tolerance for quick tempers, raised voices and harsh criticism that refuses to even consider other perspectives. I can’t stand people who are pretentious, or feel they’re owed something in life. And I prefer someone who doesn’t work themselves into a frenzy over nothing, but takes life with a calm, cool perspective, and can calm me down when I start to worry about the variables I can’t control. My only question now is, how’d I get so lucky with Sam? ;)

Sam, sometimes I don’t know what I’d do without you. You’ve been so good and caring to me over these past 4 months, and I miss you. I’m really happy you’re coming out to visit me this weekend - it’ll be so good to see you again before October.

Oh yes. That's the good news. Sam's coming to visit me this weekend. :) At least there's a ray of sunshine up ahead. I know things will get better, but it's difficult to have faith in that sometimes.