Self-Discovery
A couple nights ago, I was in lab plating bacteria and half-listening to U2's album "All That You Can't Leave Behind". For those of you who don't work in the Davidson lab, this is the favorite CD of the starfish group (Veronica the postdoc, Albert the newly-graduated, and me the little undergrad); this is also the CD I listened to all the time in lab during the rough times last year. Some of the songs have intriguing melodic riffs, others have strong, honest lyrics about relationships, emotions, etc. In any case, I was thinking about what's been happening recently - concerns about flute, people and so forth - and my ears catch the lyrics "You are such a fool/ To worry like you do".

This set off a chain of thought which eventually culminated in "Hmm. What makes me tick? What ideas direct how I act, and what do I want to change?" Sure, for most people this kind of evaluation takes place right before New Year's resolutions are made, but it's never too early to figure out who you are...

After considering this over the last couple days, I came up with some ideas. I guess you could call this my personal philosophy... the words and thoughts I try to live by - in some I generally succeed, others I'm constantly trying to live up to. But if I could ever live up to the person I want to be, these things would be at the core.

1) Know thyself (working on it. always.)
2) Life will never work out according to plan. Don't worry and fret about it, just deal with what comes your way. Relax! "You are such a fool/ To worry like you do" -U2 (still working on it)
3) Trusting others isn't a weakness. Not everyone is out to exploit your weaknesses and cut you down. All the same, choose carefully whom you confide in. (Frosh year, trusting people was no problem. Now, it's something I have to think about... disillusionment hurts, but I guess it was bound to happen sometime. definitely improving with time though)
4) Caring is not a crime. Hypersensitivity and callousness are. (a lesson learned the hard way last year and a couple weeks ago. and the complement: )
5) Always be willing to forgive and forget. "Holding on to resentment is allowing someone to live in your head rent-free" -Anonymous (usually ok)
5) Emotions shouldn't rule your life, but shouldn't be shoved down and locked away either. Throwing up emotional walls isn't a solution. (someday I'll find a happy medium - currently on the latter end, swinging back from last year)
"And if I shed a tear I won't cage it
I won't fear love
And if I feel a rage I won't deny it
I won't fear love
Peace in the struggle to find peace
Comfort on the way to comfort" -Sarah McLachlan
6) Always, always try to see and understand the other point of view. The person who sees from only one perspective never learns anything new about the world, and never grows as a result.
7) Be tolerant. Everyone has a right to their own personal beliefs and feelings, as long as it doesn't harm anyone else.
8) If finesse and subtlety fail, then be frank and honest - but not careless or cruel. Treat people with compassion.
9) Keep your enthusiasm for life strong. Don't lose sight of why you do something (flute, history, biology, whatever), or for what reasons - do it from joy, from happiness, from love.

That's about all I've come up with - I guess it's a reasonable approximation. In any case, it's time to go practice flute and get some sleep...

Harkening back to Fiddler on the Roof: "To Life!"
("We'll raise a glass and sip a drop of schnapps
In honor of the great good luck
That favored you"... schnapps, not vodka, eh? found it :)