Looks like I'll be principal flute in orchestra for yet another year. -grins from ear to ear- Take that, negative self-talk and nerves! ;)

Other than that... I'm actually beginning to *enjoy* rotation. Imagine that.

Oh, and I decided today that I'm dropping Bi/CNS 150 in favor of H 161: Ancient Medicine. I'm finally allowing myself to imagine my future as something other than a scientist - I've been trying so hard to see myself as a biologist, but it's not working and I'm getting stressed over it. Well... since that's not working, the new mindset is imagining myself as a history or anthropology grad student. And suddenly, all the stress disappears. Funny, that. Once I quit trying to fit the mold in my head of who I should become, all the unhappiness and anxiety disappeared.

Not that I'll drop the bio major, of course. But 150 can wait another year, and I'm gonna see what happens when I pour effort into my two history courses. If I can pull A-'s in history without spending too much time on the class because I'm so worried about other classes, perhaps I should be focusing on history... not to mention that I love the subject (well, when brown's teaching, in any case. best prof ever). I need to find something I have a passion for, and pursue that, not try to squeeze myself into a ill-fitting career because I think it's what I "should" do.

I also think it's funny that once I began practicing flute again, all the stress just melted away. I went from basketcase to competent on monday after talking to mom and playing flute for the first time in days (I tried to play some on thursday after the wisdom teeth surgery, but I paid for that 45 minutes of bliss with a lot of mouth pain). There's a definite difference in my mental state when I don't practice, and I've never seen it so strongly before. But after seeing this... I do believe I would've lost my mind sometime last year without orchestra. Escaping into music allows me to forget my problems, and that's worth everything in the world to me.

Anyway, I've got tons of stuff to do before the end of the week - will try to update once I get doortags finished and don't have the wolves breathing down my neck anymore. ;)

Oh, and love to Mom, Dad, Kat, the dogs, and my Red - I'll try to call soon.