Hm... it's been a while since I've posted. Some new things have surfaced; let the rambling commence:

I finished Patriot Games a few days ago... been rereading The Great Hunt (Jordan) and October Sky (Hickam) instead of devouring the new few books on my list. -shrugs- Meh, sometimes you just aren't in the mood for realistic action - but I imagine I'll finish Hunt for Red October in the next few days. Not having too much to do in lab helps... At this point, I'm waiting for the week-long in situ protocol to end on thursday and friday, and in the meantime, getting as far as I can on sequencing reactions for the gene Tbrain. The latter is really extra; if those in situs work, then I'm all done with what I thought I'd finish over the summer. -grins- It's strange, though, to realize that summer's almost over. Another two weeks, and I'll be done with the first rotation dinner/reception/meeting of the year. Yikes. And two weeks from tomorrow will be the first day of classes...

Am I the only one who thinks that I shouldn't be a junior yet? Seeing all the prefrosh come in, I realize that I'll only see one more class of them before I leave this place (assuming I graduate in 4 years... and I certainly plan to). It's a scary thought. I'm getting older, but I don't feel it happening; am I growing wiser as well? Hope so.

The beach trip yesterday wasn't quite as good as I'd hoped - when you drive out overlooking the ocean and see marine layer, you know you're in trouble. Cool and windy is great for tech or home, but it sure isn't ideal beach weather. At least the company was good. I drove out there with Elaine and Andrea K, spent an hour or so about mid-beach waiting for everyone else to show up and braving the chilly waters. Finally, Jared strolls up to us... "Where have you guys been?" "Waiting for you! Where is everyone?" "Um... about 5 minutes up the beach" Figures. Jimmy, Katie and Jared had parked at the north end and walked down until they met Tina and Nate... then assumed that we must not be there yet (even though we were the first to leave tech). Ah well... we spent couple hours sitting around talking, then went to a fish 'n chips place - Malibu Seafood - for dinner. Mmmm.

On the way back, Elaine, Andrea and I had some lively conversation going (much different from the last time I came back from the beach *coughMikeDRossandwhoeverelsewasnappingcough*). And I learned something that caused the last guilt I had about the breakup to melt away... it's amazing when you're voicing your thoughts, your frustrations, and someone speaks up and says, "Why does this sound like what I went through?? I thought it was just me!" Thanks Elaine, you made my day. Wish I'd talked to you earlier. I can finally believe that it wasn't my faults, my weaknesses that caused my relationship to fall apart, and that makes all the difference in the world. Maybe it sounds funny, but it's a relief to realize that I'm not fundamentally flawed, it wasn't something that *I* did that caused the behavior, and I can begin to believe that the next time I try to make a relationship work, it won't eventually blow up in my face (assuming I don't make the same mistakes). And the last of the fear begins to melt away...

Shifting from emotions to music - last night the really great low register sound I pride myself on appeared again. It took longer this time to come back... usually it's the first thing to return. -shrugs- Sure, it's not necessary for the orchestral pieces we're doing now, but it makes the Bach, Enesco and Poulanc so much more fun, to have a dark, rich sound. :) Here's to another 8 days of practicing with all my teeth present. I can' t help but wonder how it's going to feel (and sound) when there's extra resonance space in my mouth.

Speaking of the future - still haven't given much thought to life after college. At this point, I'm on autopilot headed for grad school, though whether it'll be for bio or history, I haven't a clue. Working in a bio lab is great when you're getting good results - so incredibly satisfying - but it's downright tedious when everything's going south. Even after working in the Davidson lab for a year, I still don't know if this is what I want to do with the rest of my life... but I have the sneaking feeling that I'd be sick of solid labwork in another 10 years. It's awesome to make your own hours, as long as you get the job done, but it's a bummer to never be outside during daylight hours, or have very little interaction with people outside of your lab group. The other workable option right now is history or anthropology grad school - every history and anthropology class I've taken here, I've thoroughly enjoyed, and I think I have time enough to set up for this if I began planning this year. Thing is, I can kiss any thought of working for NASA (in any capacity, much less being selected as an astronaut) goodbye once I choose this path... there's simply no need for people with Ph.D.s in history. On one way, happiness is uncertain at best; along the other, a dream dies. I think I'll be standing at this fork in the road for a while.

But hey, at least the future at hand is pleasant - I can't wait to go home and be with my family, even if the wisdom teeth are coming out while I'm home. It's nice to know that no matter what happens, I can count on 5 people, 5 dogs and 1 cat at home to love me and believe in me.

Such is life. It's time to practice flute... Good night, all.