Today's been a long and odd day.

Competition: didn't go as well as I'd hoped. I ended up with the worst case of nerves I've had since I was a sophomore or freshman in high school, and I didn't have the concerto down cold like I did the all region music. Ergo, I made several mistakes (per movement) and didn't win. -shrugs- Such is life. And there's always next year for me... 10 weeks just doesn't allow enough time to really get ALL of the technical and phrasing details into your fingers and mind. Was it a decent job for ten weeks? Maybe (Woodward seems to think so). But I imagine it'll be much, much better after another year's worth of study. Someone once said that you can play Mozart fairly quickly, but you could spend your whole life trying to play Mozart *well*. Here's to that crazy musical genius Amadeus.

And a big congratulations to freshman Tyson Mao, who'll be performing the Khachaturian Violin Concerto with us next term (I think). :) I'm pretty darn impressed with him, after listening to part of his audition... he deserved to win (well, to place above me, anyway. I didn't hear Rebecca's audition, so I guess I can't judge there).

I'm rather proud of myself for deciding to go for this 9 weeks ago and carry through with it. I've wanted to in previous years, but didn't have the time - it's nice to realize that I achieved at least one of my non-academic goals here. Next (of course) is to win next year ;) or at least perform the Mozart better. And master my nerves. And get those cadenzas solid. As long as I keep after myself during this year, I think I've got a reasonable shot at next year's competition. We'll see.

It's also nice that I managed to not cry after the Mozart. Some parts were better than I'd expected them to be - coming out beautifully, just the way I'd imagined. Unfortunately, these areas were not as common as I'd expected, and a few mistakes crept in here and there. But 30 minutes of near-solid playing is a real feat, especially when you're really pouring your soul into it - I don't think I've ever felt more emotionally drained after perfoming a piece of music than I did today. I walked out of that room thinking that I was about to collapse, and that kinda translated itself into "I should go somewhere quiet and have a good cry, or go sleep this off". Guess both methods are cathartic responses. Instead, I pulled the "make myself scarce" hermit act ("act? what act?" said Sam LL earlier. Thanks a lot.) and got nearly all my Christmas shopping done for the family, as well as reading a good deal of Tortilla Curtain, which I'll be writing on tomorrow in my h 142 paper. Performing at the glee club concert was really what put me back into a good mood though - I love the Charpentier. The flute harmonies are rich and warm, soothing; I couldn't help but be happy after that. Went to Shau May with Yussanne, Andrea, and Mike after the concert for a celebratory "competition's over! and glee club concert was great!" supper... at times, I still can't believe I'm lucky enough to have friends like you guys.

So now, I sit here at 2:30 AM, having gone through practically the entire list of emotions, all thanks to flute, and I've just finished Tortilla Curtain. I think that means it's time for sleep. Night all, and take care.