Almost full circle, in time and emotions. Odd, to think that this was the week it all came crashing down last year... here's to hoping the same doesn't happen this year. -cringe- Then again, perhaps I should hide in my room until next week, just to make sure.

Perhaps it's time to move beyond the contemplation of shoulds and should nots, the endless internal debates, and stop running from these spectres that pursue me. Perhaps it's time to let go of these inhibitions, to allow myself to reach out again. Perhaps admitting I'm human and allowing emotions to surface wouldn't be such a terrible thing. I finally feel strong enough to stand on my own, I've found and kept happiness on my own for some time, and I finally feel that I have a strong hold on reality - I'm not the most brilliant person oncampus by a long shot, but I believe in myself. I know what I love, and I know what I will and won't stand for. I know my limits, more or less. I can look at myself and say that I accept who I am, both strengths and faults. I may not like everything about myself, but I'm becoming someone who I can live with. And after this past year, I'm firmly convinced that believing in yourself is the only way to true happiness - no one can ever give you that sense of self-worth, and once you have it, no one can ever take it away. Relying on someone else for basic happiness is foolish at best... but perhaps sharing time and affection with another to increase that happiness is a wiser course of action than trying to keep your distance and stifle your emotions. Perhaps that's the difference between then and now. Or perhaps there's more. I don't know.

I give up. I can't sort this out tonight, and I don't have the time... if you've got feedback, by all means, send away. As for now, I'd better keep working on my ec questions (grrrr). Night all.
--
"Though we may have our disputes
This family tree's got deep roots
Friendship is thicker than blood
That depends
Depends on trust
Depends on true devotion
Depends on love
Depends on not denying emotion
And I guess
It's gonna be a happy new year"
-RENT