Oh, dear. It's been a couple of days of something... and the something was not all happiness.
Begin the list:
-E finished, yaay! ...but wait, brewer doesn't like my paper topic. though he approved it when i talked to him about it. not done after all :(
-lots of support and hugs lately for a good friend (yussanne, sangeeta, I'm reminding myself of you two last year - many thanks to you again :)
-trying to be a mediator, smooth things over and not pick sides (with emotional support from sam... thanks, love)

It occurred to me sometime last night that picking sides in any conflict was the much, much easier (and more childish) thing to do than actually trying to see both sides and work to reconcile them. If I had been presented with a similar situation during my frosh year, I wonder if I could have dealt with it as maturely as I hope I am now. So, so many things have happened over the past three years... in certain lights, I barely recognize the person I used to be. I remember being a sentimental romantic - thinking that love could overcome differences in character, and that the end of a relationship was always due to glaring faults in one or both of the participants. Time and experience have shown me that this is not the case - some matches that seem to be great won't work in the end, and it may not be due to someone's faults, but just in the way two people interact. Perhaps preferring one person to your current beau isn't such a terrible thing as I once thought - sure, breakups hurt. But as much as we like to think that these relationships are permanent, we're still changing and learning about what qualities we want in a significant other, and dating is how we figure that out before we commit to one person for life, or at least a good long while (thanks for the perspective, mom). It's normal to feel hurt, but don't let it consume your life, soul, happiness, etc. Dry your tears, then go out and pursue your dreams. I remember talking to Tina (who's wise beyond her years) about this during the Ge 1 field trip last year - and though I don't remember everything word for word, one thing she said really stuck in my mind. "Love and guys aren't worth dying over." Agreed. Love's a wonderful thing*, as long as you can see your limits, and you're confident and strong enough to draw the line before you hit them. Otherwise, you risk losing yourself - you're beyond your comfort zone, you're overextended, and you aren't as emotionally stable. And love really shouldn't do that to you.

Goodness, but that was philosophical. I guess it's time for dinner now.

*if you've read some of the logs from last august/sept, I bet you never thought you'd see that phrase here... but I now believe it.