One note about the previous day's post - the only problem with living from income from gigs as a flutist, is that there are too many flutists around. -sigh- However, as long as you're noticeable enough, it's not that much of a problem... it seems like you just need to get your name out there. That's basically what secured this gig, since Don had heard me play in the orchestra and accompanying the glee clubs.

Solution? Come up with a gig-focused ensemble for next year, and get some more performance experience. And make sure that I play in an orchestra/chamber group, wherever I'm going after here... more and more I think that gigs as a side occupation would be an enjoyable pursuit, as well as a nice supplementary source of income. Here's to the odd-jobbing life? At least I'll never get bored. ;)

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Life's been a lot better since yesterday... call me an idiot, but it took me a while to realize that not seeing Sam much at all for the past week had contributed to my sadness a couple days ago. (He'd had to take some extensions when he became sick early last week, and had to spend a fair bit of time catching up on those sets.) I guess I should've known why... considering that the last time I was treated that way (for months on end), the guy I loved felt the relationship wasn't worth continuing because of my problems/faults/etc, but didn't bother telling me until I hit emotional breakdown. I call myself abysmally stupid and blind for not seeing that coming and breaking it off a lot earlier... what a fool I was for believing in love that time. Definitely proved that Confucius was right - experience is the bitterest way to learn wisdom - and oh I did I learn a lot of wisdom from that. I guess I was just assuming (incorrectly) that the same thing was about to happen again - I've got to quit jumping to conclusions, and assuming results based on past experiences with entirely different people. I've gotten a lot better at that while being with Sam, but it still sneaks up on me sometimes. I also need to realize that I'm good enough to be loved - doubt still creeps in occasionally, when I'm not paying attention and on guard against it. Gotta get rid of these thoughts, but I've made a lot of progress down this road, and I'm a much happier person because of it (and because of Sam).

Anyway, Sam was kind enough to spend several hours with me yesterday, after he'd finished one of his finals due this week, and that helped a lot. It's amazing what a little reassurance and a few hugs can do. Thanks for caring, Sam :) - now just don't fail the 196 final! You can do it!

Unfortunately, I haven't made too much progress on the h 97 paper - got the outline, got the sketch of some paragraphs and a buncha bits here and there, but haven't stitched it all together yet. As I have another oral final-ish thing tomorrow in German, and need to read for a discussion in h 161, I probably won't do much on it tonight either... looks like it'll be thursday night before I really crack down on that paper. Saving it a little late, I'm afraid, but it'll get done. And I don't really want to take an E, so that's more motivation to finish quickly and do well.