Every so often, things shift and take on new meaning, become clearer. For the past several years I have sought solace and security in the face of constant change. I have changed myself in numerous ways, and have become a happier person overall. Yet in the end, I have not become any more secure or peaceful about the future - my worries still bedevil me. And now, when I cannot think of any other things to do to lessen my cares, I wonder if I have run from the very thing that would grant me what I seek. Perhaps it is time to let go of the hostility, accept that I will have unanswerable questions, and embrace hope and faith.

Turning over a new leaf:
-try to pray/meditate more, in order to
-relax more, and let things work themselves out as they will. don't worry about tomorrow. live in the moment and relish the company and people who are with me now.
-accept that I don't know what will happen tomorrow. work ahead to ensure everything gets done, but don't fret about the future
-quit wasting so much time on useless things and use the time to clean my room, finish things that should be done, keep up with classes, spend time with the people I love.
-stop feeling guilt over the little things and apologizing for everything.
-reward myself when I've accomplished something positive along these lines

Thanks for the card and the long talk earlier today, Mom. I love you, and I don't know what I'd do without you. And it looks like I'm still unwittingly walking in your footsteps...