You'll laugh at me, I'm sure. But whenever I look at the relationship I have with Sam, I'm in shock. I marvel that nothing terrible has happened within the past 9 months. Sure, we've disagreed at times, and misunderstood each other... but we've worked it out. No major arguments. No communication breakdown. No serious avoidance, no resentment, no neglect. No big scary things looming out of nowhere, or nightmarish stomachaches from stress and worry.

I'm at a loss to express how amazing this is. I don't feel overwhelmed, or underappreciated, or in pain. I just feel warm and happy. The odd thing is that I'm surprised. For the longest time I equated love with pain, with vulnerability and weakness - never feeling good enough, always emotionally vulnerable to offhand, thoughtless comments and actions from the person I trusted (and yes, i still remember a lot, though i've actively tried to forget), and a host of other awful things. I'd made a point to get over the anger and self-loathing I felt before I started dating Sam - I didn't want this to be a 'rebound' relationship. I thought I'd dealt with most of the these issues and overcome them before beginning anew. I never thought I'd still be reacting to issues from sophomore year at this point. -sigh- At least it's only mild and not unpleasant...

It's also an indescribable relief to realize that all that was NOT typical, and that lo and behold, I am loved and valued by a truly wonderful guy (not to mention my terrific friends). Life is wonderful, if a little hectic.

My only regret? I wish I'd remembered this was how love was supposed to feel a year ago...

-----
heard on the radio the other day:

Miss independent
Miss self-sufficient
Miss keep your distance
Miss unafraid
Miss out of my way
Miss don't let a man interfere, no
Miss on her own
Miss almost grown
Miss never let a man help her off her throne
So, by keeping her heart protected
She'd never ever feel rejected
Little miss apprehensive
Said ooh, she fell in love

What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise...It's time
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No longer needs to be defensive
Goodbye, old you
When love is true

Miss guarded heart
Miss play it smart
Miss if you want to use that line you better not start, no
But she miscalculated
She didn't want to end up jaded
And this miss decided not to miss out on true love
So, by changing her misconceptions
She went in a new direction
And found inside she felt a connection
She fell in love.

What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door (open my door)
Surprise...It's time (yeah)
To feel what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No longer needs to be defensive
Goodbye (goodbye), old you (oh you)
When love, when love is true

When Miss Independence walked away
No time for love that came her way
She looked in the mirror and thought today
What happened to miss no longer afraid?
It took some time for her to see
How beautiful love could truly be
No more talk of why can't that be me
I'm so glad I finally feel...

What is the feelin' takin' over?
Thinkin' no one could open my door
Surprise (surprise), it's time (yeah)
To feel (to feel) what's real
What happened to Miss Independent?
No longer needs to be defensive
Goodbye (goodbye), old you
When love, when love is true...
-Kelly Clarkson