-sigh- Apparently, I'm just not a good alley assassin... wasn't even a good target. Why bother. I'll never get a kill anyway; I'm not bold, stealthy or creative enough. And jingle bells aren't stealthy enough either. I'm just losing points for Vatican.

Time for the stuff I've been putting off, I guess. I'll never understand these low points in my life. Not strong depression, just little blips on the radar where I think that perhaps this isn't worth the effort, perhaps I'm not good enough to be here... when all the negative recordings in my head start to play (You're not good enough for anyone. You're not smart enough. Who are you kidding? You shouldn't be here. You don't deserve the friends you have, or their goodwill. You aren't good enough on flute to be in the orchestra - you're making the ensemble sound bad. You deserved everything that happened to you last year, and more of the same. It was all your fault. You'll never be whole again; you'll never find love again; you'll never be able to touch anyone without ruining them. Why don't you just give up...), and I feel like curling up and crying somewhere alone. It rarely happens anymore, but occasionally it comes back, like now. And I still don't know how to fight it off.

Going off to read and try to come up with an core outline and intro. Maybe I can shake this mood by doing work.

Oh yeah... another idea of who I am. Unfortunately, it hits near the mark. Especially now. Wish I knew why I felt like this.

How Emotional Are You?
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"Sorrowdweller. You are not overcome by anger nor happiness. Your emotions are pretty well balanced, but you do tend to get somewhat emotional at times leaning towards depression and sadness. You have your own views of the world and while you do not see the beauty of life, you are not completely overwhelmed by darkness. Live and let live just because."